四人英语搞笑对话,四分钟左右

雇主 how much do you want a month 你一个月想要多少钱？ 保姆：800 yuan, eat you, sleep you 800块， 吃你的，住你的 a:why do you drink wine everyday b:i like it !a:is it delicious b:of course!not only so,in wine there is truth a:really,what is it b:when you are in low spirits,drinking wine can help you about that on the other hand,it can help you make more friends a:oh,it's so supernatural bill:hello, jilljill:hi,bill bill:what happened you look like a little upset jill:i'm worried about my exams my teacher asks me to make a public sppech with one clas ate bill:so you don't have a partner jill:no,i havelily is my partnerbut neither of us know how to make a speech bill:oh, it doesn't mattermy friend bob knowshe really did it beforeyou can ask himjill:could you halp me i don't know him bill: of course he is at classroom now let's go bill: hello,bobthis is my friend jill bob:nice to meet you,jill jill: nice to meet you,too bill:bob,jill meets a problemhis teacher asks him to make a speechbut he doesn't knowhow to make itcould you help himbob:okthere are several vital factors when it es to make a publicspeechfirst of all,wo should consider the content of the speech,what things do you want to talk aboutjill:let me write it downokand then bob:secondly,you should consider the length of the speechit should not too long or too short jill:and bob:last but not least,speak confidentlyjust remember be confident whenever and wherever you are that is the most importmant jill:thank you very much bob:any other matters i can help you jill:maybe,but not at this momenti have many things to do could i ask you to help me laterbob:yes,you couldi'd like to bill:ok, problems are solvedlet go for lunchit's time for lunchand you can go on A"what's hapon" B"one car e one goe tow car penpen one car die"

《孔雀东南飞》（英文搞笑话剧）

Source: 2007-03-30 12:03:58 恒星英语学习网 Favorite Wanderseveryfivemiles

焦仲卿Johnny(Jforshort)刘兰芝Lunch(Lforshort)

焦母Johnny’smother(JMforshort)刘母Lunch’smother(LMforshort)

太守之子Mayor’sson(MSforshort)强盗Burglars(ABandC)

Prologue

(J作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,J被打中,狼狈不堪)

J:EverybodysaysthatI’mhenpecked,butinfact,I’masstrongasatiger,(小声)whilemy

wifeisWuSong

(指着上台处的门大声道)I’mnotafraidofyou!

(内砸出一脸盆,J接住当成盾牌护着头)Then,I’mafraidofwhom

MywifeLunchisthemostfamouswomanintheneighbor-hoodSheisbraverthanme,

smarterthanmeandstrongerthanmeAllthisIdonotcareIonlywanthertobetender

thanmeButsheisnot!Havingawifelikethisisjustlikelivinginthehell!

(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中J)

MyGod!Whocanhelpme(下)

Act1

(序幕结束时,JM作窃听状)

JM(拄拐棍上):Ican!

(对门内)Lunch!Lunch!Whereareyou

L(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):I’mhere!What’supmum

JM:I’vetoldyouagainandagainthatyoushouldcallme“mymostbeautifulgracefuland

dearestmother-in-law”

L:OKMymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother-in-law,what’sup

JM:SinceyoumarriedmysonyouhavebehavedsobadlyYouhavebeensorude,sobrusque,so

lazy……

L:But……

JM:Neverinterruptme!

L:Neverinterruptme!SinceImarriedyourson,thatterribleJohnny,Ihavebeenworkinghardall

daylong,cookingandwashingIhaveraisedtensofthousandsofpigsandducksandchicken

and……

JM:Butallthoseyouhavedonearenotasvaluableasagrandson!

L(生气地挥动着锅铲):Oh,youwantagrandson,don’tyou(开始解围裙)Goandaskyour

sonI’mleaving!(扯下围裙,扔在JM的脸上,下)

Act2

(LM坐在台上打毛线,L拿着锅铲上)

L:Mum,I’mback!

LM:YouarebackWhyWhathappened

L:Iwaskickedoutbymymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother–in-law

LM(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):See!Ihavealreadytoldyou!Whenyouinsistedon

marryingthatterribleJohnny,Itoldyouthatheisuglystupidandpoor,butyoudidnotlisten

tomeLookatyourself……

L:But,mum……

LM:Neverinterruptme!

L:Mum,I’mnotinterruptingyouIjustwanttotellyouthatyouarealwaysrightOKAnd

I’llmarrywhomeveryouwantmeto

LM(大喜):Nicegirl!Justnow,Imetthemayor’ssoninthemarketHesaid:“Ifyoudaughter

Haven’tbeenmarried,Ireallyreallywanttomarryher!”Nowyouarefreeagain,I’llgo

andtellhim(下)

L(惊愕):WhatThemayor’ssonThemostfamousplayboyintheneighbor-hood(手中的锅

铲掉在地上)WhatasillythingIhavedone!(下)

Act3

(J睡眼惺忪上)

J(边走边道):Lunch!Lunch!Wherearemysocks

(走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)Heretheyare!(闻一下) Er!Howsmelly!Theyarestilldirty!

(突然想起)Lunchhasgone!Ihavetowashthemmyself

(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)Oh,I’msohungry!Butthere’snobreakfast!(捡起地上的围

裙)ThisiswhatLunchalwayswears!Imisshersomuch,andherexcellentcookingskill!Now

shehasgoneIhavetocookformymotherandmyself

JM(上):Where’smybreakfastWhere’sLunchHasn’tshegotupyet

J:Mum,can’tyourememberLunchhasgone!

JM(沉吟片刻):Well,totellyouthetruthJohnny,asonwithoutawifeisuselessLunchisanice

girl,goandtakeherback!

J(立正敬礼):Yesmadam!

Act4

(J开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗)

A:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous!

Theroadisbuiltbyme!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)

B:AndIplantedonetree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)

C:Ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---(欲踩石头，但踩到了A的脚)

AB&C:Giveusallyourmoney!

J(搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出1角硬币):Is1maoenough

(三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量)

A:Whatbadluck!Thisguyisbroken!

B:Ifwecannotrobanymoneytoday,wewillhavenothingtoeattonight!

C:Iheardthatthemayor’ssonisgoingtomarryMissLiuLanzhinextmonthWEcangoand

robthewedding!

A&B:Goodidea!

J(惊讶):WhatWhatLunchisgoingtogetmarriedIt’simpossible!

AB&C:WhyAprettygirlandarichman,whatagoodcouple!

J:ButLunchismywife!Wehaven’tgotdivorcedyet!

(突然有了主意)I’vegotanidea!Youaregoingtorobthewedding,don’tyouI’llgo

withyouYoutakethemoneyandItakethebride

B:Haveyougotanyexperience

J:NoButI’vegotthis!(J脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书＄1，000，000)

Act5

(转眼已到了婚礼之期．MS意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，J盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台)

(J和三强盗跃至台中)

ABC&J:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous!

A:Theroadisbuiltbyme!

B:AndIplantedonetree

C:Ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---

J:Giveusallyourmoney!

(L听到J的声音，掀起了盖头)

L(惊喜万分):Johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到J的身边并躲到了的身后)

(MS大怒，挥拳向J打来．J矮身一躲，MS打中了J身后的L，L晕倒)

J(火冒三丈):Howdareyoubeatmywife!（挥拳向MS冲去）

(J与MS混战，JM上，以拐杖击晕MS)

(J将MS胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前)

J(扶起L，关切地问):Honey,howareyou

L(哭状):Ihurtalot!

J:Don’tcrybabyI’llgoandfetchthemedicine (下)

L(起身去追):Waitforme! (跑下)

(音乐起 CanYouCelebrate)

英语幽默短剧剧本The Pocket Money

白雪公主与七个小矮人 Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs 英文短剧本

旁白：Once upon a time, there was a queen She had a pretty daughter named Snow White Soon after the child was born, the queen died The queen married another queen The stepmother was very jealous She dressed Snow White in rags and forced her to do the housework all day and all night, such as sweep and mop the floor, do some cleaning, carry water and so on

白雪：( Sweep and mop the floor, do some cleaning, carry water and so on)

皇后：I’m the new queen I’m very beautiful you see If anyone is more beautiful than me, I’ll kill her I have a magic mirror If I want to know something, It will tell me surelyNow, mirror, mirror, come here!

魔镜：Yes, I’m coming Your Majesty! What do you want to know

皇后：Mirror, mirror, on the wallWho is the fairest of the all

魔镜：Yes Your Majesty! You are the fairest of all, I thinkBut there is a young lady She is as white as snow, as red as rose and as black as ebonyShe is much more beautiful than you

皇后：She is much more beautiful than meWho is she Tell me quickly

>

警察和一个被发现超速的司机的对话

警察发现一个司机超速,把他叫到一边,准备给他罚单机警的司机知道法律是讲究证据的,他不慌不忙,一步一步地把自己的有罪变无罪好笑,也精彩希望你喜欢

he Speeding Ticket

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding

Officer: May I see your driver's license

Driver: I don't have one I had it suspended when I got my fifth DUI

Officer: Can I see the registration for this vehicle

Driver: Oh, it's not my car I stole it

Officer: The car is stolen

Driver: Yeah Oh, but come to think of it, I think I saw the registration in the glove compartment when I was putting my gun in there

Officer: You have a gun in there

Driver: Yes sir That's where I put it after I shot the lady who owns the car She's in the trunk

Officer: There's a BODY in the trunk!

The officer tells the man to hold on, backs off carefully, and calls for backup Quickly, the car is surrounded by police, and the captain approaches the driver to handle the situation

Captain: Sir, can I see your license

Driver: Sure, Officer

Captain: Hmm, this license is just fine Whose car is this

Driver: It's mine, officer Here's the registration

Captain: Could you slowly open the glove compartment, please, so I can see if there's a gun in there

Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it

He opens it, and sure enough, there's no gun

Captain: Would you mind if we opened the trunk I was told you said there's a body in there

Driver: No problem

The trunk is opened, nothing in there but a spare tire

Captain: The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove compartment, and that there was a dead body in the trunk

Driver: Yeah, I'll bet he told you I was speeding, too!

顾客：小心，你的大拇指在我汤里了

服务员：别担心，先生，不是很烫！

Diner: Watch out! Your thumbs in my soup!

Waiter: Don't worry Sir it's not that hot!

一个服务员给顾客拿来了牛排，大拇指在牛肉上。

“你疯了吗？”顾客喊到，“你的手在我的牛排上！”

“什么？”服务员说，“你想让它再掉地上？”

A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat

Are you crazy yelled the customer with your hand on my steak

What answers the waiter You want it to fall on the floor again

服务员：茶或咖啡？先生。

第一个顾客：我要茶

第二个顾客：我也是茶——杯子要干净的！

服务员：两杯茶，哪个要干净的杯子？

Waiter: Tea or coffee gentlemen

I'll have tea

2nd customer: Me too - and be sure the glass is clean!

(Waiter exits returns)

Waiter: Two teas Which one asked for the clean glass

创新句子：我坚持用干净杯子喝茶。

服务员，这只苍蝇在我汤里干什么？

看起来象是在仰泳，

Waiter what's this fly doing in my soup

Um looks to me to be backstroke sir

服务员，汤里有只苍蝇！

别担心，先生，面包里的蜘蛛会干掉它。

Waiter there's a fly in my soup!

Don't worry sir the spider on the breadroll will get 'em

服务员，我汤里有只苍蝇！

不是，先生，那是蟑螂，苍蝇在你牛排里。

Waiter there's a fly in my soup!

No sir that's a cockroach the fly is on your steak

服务员，汤里有只苍蝇！

别让别人看见，先生，要不别人都要。

Waiter there's a fly in my soup!

Keep it down sir or they'll all be wanting one

服务员，汤里有只苍蝇！

我知道，先生，我们没有另收钱。

Waiter there's a fly in my soup!

Its OK Sir there's no extra charge!

服务员，汤里有只苍蝇！

对不起，先生，我弄走那三个时忘了这个。

Waiter there is a fly in my soup!

Sorry sir maybe I've forgotten it when I removed the other three

服务员，汤里有只死苍蝇！

是的，先生，是开水杀死了它们。

Waiter there's a dead fly in my soup!

Yes sir it's the hot water that kills them

He Won

Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny Johnny: He is ill in bed He hurt himself

Tommy: That's too bad How did that happen

Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won

他赢了

汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？

约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。

汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？

约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。

I Have His Ear in My Pocket

Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened"

"A kid bit me," replied Ivan

"Would you recognize him if you saw him again" asked his mother

"I'd know him any where," said Ivan "I have his ear in my pocket"

他的耳朵在我衣兜里

伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”

“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。

“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。

“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”

A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered

"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly "Here are two cents more But why are you so interested in the old woman"

"She is the one who sells the candy"

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”

“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”

“她是个卖糖果的。”

Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk"

"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

醉酒

一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”

Hospitality

The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny Where did you find the cheese" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy

好客

由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。

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