网络工程师的搞笑段子

1. 一个好的程序员是那种过单行线马路都要往两边看的人。(Doug Linder)

2. 程序有问题时不要担心。如果所有东西都没问题，你就失业了。(软件工程的Mosher定律)

3. 程序员的麻烦闷辩岩在于，你无法弄清他在捣腾什么，当你最终弄明白时，也许已经晚了。(超级计算机之父Seymour Cray)

4. 我想大部分人都知道通常一个程序员会具有的美德。当然了，有三种：懒惰，暴躁，傲慢。(Perl语言发明者Larry Wall)

5. 编程时要保持这种心态：就好象将灶旁来要维护你这些代码的人是一位残暴的精神病患者，而且他知道你住在哪。(Martin Golding)

6. 一个人写的烂软件将会给另一个人带来一份全职工作。(Jessica Gaston)

7. 如果建筑工人像程序员写软件那样盖房子，那第一只飞来的啄木鸟就能毁掉人类文明。(Gerald Weinberg)

8. 这世界最有可能毁灭的方式——大多数专家都同意——是次意外。这就是为什么会有我们，我们是计算机专家，我们创造意外。(Nathaniel Borenstein)

9. 我们这个行业有个特别奇怪的现象：不仅我们不从失败里吸取教训，同时也不从成功中学习经验。 (Keith Braithwaite)

10. 一种新技术一旦开始流行，你要么坐上压路机，要么成为铺路石。(Stewart Brand)

11. 如果没能一次成功，那就叫它1.0版吧。(unknown)

12. 所有的程序员都是编剧，所有的计算机都是烂演员。(Anonymous Hack Actor)

13. 工作进度上越早落后，你就会有越充蚂御足的时间赶上。(Anonymous Scheduler)

14. 当有这样的一种编程语言出现：它能让程序员用简单的英语编程，你将会发现，程序员都开始不会说英语。(Anonymous Linguist)

15. 为什么我们没有时间把事情做对，却总有时间把事情做过头？(Anonymous)

16. 傻瓜都能写出计算机能理解的程序。优秀的程序员写出的是人类能读懂的代码。

17. 任何你写的代码，超过6个月不去看它，当你再看时，都像是别人写的。(Eagleson’s law)

一份出色的 自我介绍 绝对来自于事前的准备与 *** 练。程序员自我介绍如何分段进击，事先架构一个完整内容?以下是我为您整理的程序员自我介绍内容，希望能帮到你。

程序员自我介绍第一篇

本人XXX，我是一个实事求是、不浮夸的人。喜欢参与团队工作与集体活动。重视自身素质培养。

软件开发基础扎实，对编程充满热情，学习能力强，能快速掌握新技术

在校期间亩启，曾获午2007—2008学年度 优秀团员，2007—2008学年度 丙等奖学金，2005年9月份 军训 优秀个人 。曾是系学生会干事，在通过与其他干事的合作，主要对学生宿舍公共卫生、宿舍 文化 、晚归等进行监督管理，评定优秀寝室，不定期组织学生活动(寝室 篮迅晌如球 赛谨闷、跳蚤文化市场等)

实习期间就职于金融事业本部，部门业务涉及全国数省的农村信用社核心业务系统、城市商业银行支付系统以及外围辅助服务系统。我一直在广东四地市的农信社做软件开发工作。先后参与了广东省四地市的yhk系统、综合业务系统卡改造、电话银行系统、自助终端系统等的开发和实施。相信您的信任与我的实力将为我们带来共同的成功!希望我能为贵公司贡献自己的力量!

程序员自我介绍第二篇

my name is zhao wanjun. wanjun is my given name. wan means sweet and jun means person, so my name means a sweet-tempered girl. i actually am! but you can call me june, for your convenience, j-u-n-e, IT's similar to my chinese name jun. i am from enping, a small cITy in the southwest of guangdong province, near hongkong and macao. maybe you have never been there before, IT's well known for the hot springs there.

in 2014, i got the highest score in the college entrance examinations in my cITy and entered zhongshan universITy. my major is computer science. my gpa ranks in the top 40% among all students, but i have stronger c++ programming skills than many others. also, i was the first one to learn java in my class.

i was chosen by a teacher of mine to participate in his project. the project was about a lan chat room, and i developed the instant messaging system in IT. i was the only female student in this project team.

besides study and the project, i worked in the student union for two years, first year as a member, next year promoted to be the general secretary. my colleagues describe me as a reliable and considerate person.

ibm is top on my job hunting list for of the reasons you hear every day. i look forward to joining a famous company as IT means good training, good pay, and good people to work wITh, just like you gentlemen!

technical support engineer is my ideal job because i have both a technical background and the abilITy to deal wITh clients. also, traveling isn’t a problem although i am a woman.

程序员自我介绍第三篇

good morning, my name is jack, it is really a great honor to have this opportunity for a interview, i would like to answer whatever you may raise, and i hope i can make a good performance today, eventually enroll in this prestigious university in september. now i will introduce myself briefly,i am 21 years old,born in heilongjiang province ,northeast of china,and i am curruently a senior student at beijing xx uni.my major is packaging engineering.and i will receive my bachelor degree after my graduation in june.in the past 4 years,i spend most of my time on study,i have passed cet4/6 with an ease. and i have acquired basic knowledge

of packaging and publishing both in theory and in practice. besides, i have attend several packaging exhibition hold in beijing, this is our advantage study here, i have taken a tour to some big factory and company. through these i have a deeply understanding of domestic packaging industry. compared to developed countries such as us, unfortunately, although we have made extraordinary progress since 1978,our packaging industry are still underdeveloped, mess, unstable, the situation of employees in this field are awkard. but i have full confidence in a bright future if only our economy can keep the growth pace still. i guess you maybe interested in the reason itch to law, and what is my plan during graduate study life, i would like to tell you that pursue law is one of my lifelong goal,i like my major packaging and i won't give up,if i can pursue my master degree here i will combine law with my former education. i will work hard in thesefields ,patent ,trademark, copyright, on the base of my years study in department of p&p, my character? i cannot describe it well, but i know i am optimistic and confident. sometimes i prefer to stay alone, reading, listening to music, but i am not lonely, i like to chat with my classmates, almost talk everything ,my favorite pastime is valleyball,playing cards or surf online. through college life,i learn how to balance between study and entertainment. by the way, i was a actor of our amazing drama club. i had a few glorious memory on stage. that is my pride.

我认为满口的网络语言并不是风趣幽默，反而是没有文化底蕴。

网络流行语是一种快餐文化，更新速度快，受众群具有明显的特征化：

年轻、信息的接收能力强。

聊天中经常会收到一些暴漫表情还有网络用语。

仅从我个人来看，这算不上幽默。我理解的幽默是带有智慧的笑。如钱钟书老先生之流。很大程度上，经常发一些网络用语、各种表情的人，在现实生活中却表现的很普通。没有妙语生花，也没有发现趣味从而制造幽默的能力。

但从大的角度上来看，网络文化这种现象其实也是属于幽默的范畴。因为幽默的共鸣需要等同的条件，这里可以说是世界观或者是大家具备一定理解和常识的公共领域。

举个例子：

程序猿要了3个孩子森皮返，分别取名叫Ctrl、Alt和Delete，如果他们不听话，程序猿就只要同时敲他们一下就会好的。

这个就是典型的程序员的幽默，然而，如果你对于这些不了解，或者连一定的电此饥脑常识都没有。你是很难找到其中的笑点的。

屠夫不懂文人的幽默，却爱听满口黄段子的俗人。在屠夫眼里，这样的俗人才是幽默有趣的表现。

同理，并不热衷于网络文化的我，很多时候也无法get到其中的笑点。或许，我很明白笑点在哪里，甚至当对方给我讲了一些网络流行语的时候，我都能感觉到对方在提示我“此处应有笑声”。然而，我依旧是笑不出来，相反，这样聊久了，倒有种穿着有碎石的鞋逃脱追杀的窘迫感，前行或者后退，都是令人不舒服的。

有时候，幽默更像是对接的暗号，握团用以在茫茫人群中甄别出和自身拥有相同频率的同类。这点，与你能否接受无关。正如，我觉得人渣不是人，但从生物学上来说，人渣是具备人类这种生物的相关特性的。幽默也是一样。

以下是我个人的看法，网络文化的便捷性让看似有趣的东西更容易传播，然后在特定的群体里流行开来。而参与这个所谓有趣事物的传播过程，会让人一定的错位感。这种错位感大概就是“233~这个是最近最火最有趣的东西。你看，我也会用诶。我也是最紧贴流行最有趣的人哦”。

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