我们班要毕业了，毕业典礼想表演一个双人相声，想要题目新颖一点、搞笑点的，急！在线等！

小玲：小丽，你今天上课的时候没感觉到有什么不对吗？

小丽：不对，什么不对？没什么不对呀？

小玲：我是说小磊他……

小丽：噢！对了，你一说我想起来了，小磊今天是有点不对劲儿， 他平时学习特用功，可今天他上课老是不认真听讲，也不知他怎么了？

小玲：对！我问过他，他支支吾吾的什么也不说，是不是……

小丽：咳！他肯定是有事儿。

小玲：可……他有什么事儿呢？

小丽：要不咱等会问问他？

小玲：不！咱就问小虎，他们俩是邻居，平时又要好，他肯定知道，哟，他们过来了。

（小虎和小磊上，小玲、小丽躲到牌后）

小虎：磊磊，别这样，高兴点儿，有什么过不去的，不就是……

（小磊拦小虎）

小磊：小虎，你别这么大声好吗？我求你了，你不是答应给我保密吗？

小虎：可……这事你怎么办呢？

小磊：哎，没办法。我真希望我快点长大，好能……咳！不说了，咱们快走吧！

小虎：等等，小磊，来！坐下，你看我爸爸刚给我买了个变形金刚，能说话的，我借给你玩吧？来……

小磊：不……我不玩。

小虎：那要不我们一块去我家玩电脑。哎，我妈刚给我买回来一套《三国》的游戏，可好玩了。

小磊：我还是别去了，小虎，有时我真羡慕你。

小虎：我……小磊，对不起。

（小玲、小丽从牌子后出来）

小丽：小磊、小虎。

小虎：你们怎么在这儿？

小玲：我们在等你们。

小虎：等我们？

小丽：对！小磊，你今天上课怎么了？家里有什么事儿啊？

小虎：他们家……

小磊：小虎！

小虎：他们家没事，没事。

小玲：不对！小磊，小虎，你们刚才说的我们都听见了。小磊家肯定有什么事！说出来，咱们大家会帮助你的！

小磊：不！小玲，我们家没事，谢谢你们。小虎，我们走。

小丽：站住！小磊，你原来学习挺用功的，近来你老是不用心听讲，我看，你是整天跟小虎在一起玩，被他带坏了。

小虎：我……

小磊：不！这不怪小虎，是我的错。

小玲：你怎么错了？

小磊：我……-

小丽：你看他们俩支支吾吾的，肯定没干什么好事！

小虎：你们胡说！是小磊他们家……

小磊：小虎！

小虎：你别拦我。再不说就憋死我了！小玲，小丽，小磊的父母都下岗了，生活很困难。前几天，他妈生病了，住院住了一个星期。现在要手术，他们家又交不上手术费，小磊他爸到处借钱借不到，小磊是为他爸着急呀！

小玲、小丽：这……

小虎：你们不知道，小磊已经在医院呆了两晚上了。他白天还坚持来上学，就不错了。这样下去，下学期小磊的学费恐怕都交不上了！

小玲：小磊，你怎么不早说呀？

小虎：小磊是怕同学们笑话他！

小丽：这怎么能呢？小磊，你放心我们会帮你的，父母下岗有什么丢人的！我妈也是下岗职工，我们家自己开了个饭馆，比原来挣钱还多呢？再说了……

小磊：好了！同学们，事情你们都明白了，我也该走了，我还得去医院呢！

小玲：等等！小磊，你这么去，还是没办法。这样吧！我这有我妈给我的十块钱，你先拿去用吧！

小丽：对！我我这儿还有贰拾。

小虎：对呀！我怎么就没想到呢？小磊，这是我爷爷给我的，一百，你也拿着。

小磊：同学们，这钱我不能拿。

小玲：你就拿着吧！

小丽：对！就算你借我们的，将来再还吗？

小虎：去！什么借？这叫赞助。小磊，我回去就让我爸再赞助点儿，他什么事都听我妈的，我妈听我的！

小玲：小磊，你就拿着吧！明天我就这件事汇报给老师。我们会动员全校的师生为你捐款。怎么说，也得先给你妈妈动手术吧！小磊，你拿着吧！

小丽、小虎：对！小磊，你就拿着吧！啊！（音乐起）

小磊：同学们，谢谢！谢谢你们！（深鞠一躬）

<男孩和他的树>----中英文 a boy and his tree

a long ago,there was a huge apple tree a little boy love to come and play around it everydayhe climbed to the tree top,ate the apples,took a nap under the shadow…he loved the tree and the tree loved to play with himtime went by…the little boy had grown up and he no longer played around the tree everyday

one day,the boy came back to the tree and he looked

"come and play with me ,"the tree asked the boy

"i am no longer a kid, i don't play around trees anymore"the boy replied,

"i want toysi need money to buy them"

"sorry,but i don't have money…but you can pick all my apples and sell them

so,you will have money"the boy was so excited he grabbed all the apples

on the tree and left happilythe boy never came back after he picked the

applesthe tree was sad

one day,the boy returned and the tree was so excited

"come and play with me ,"the tree said

"i don't have time to playi have to work for my familywe need a house for

sheltercan you help me"

"sorry,but i don't have a house but you can chop off my branches to build

your house"so the boy cut all the branches of the tree and left happily

the tree was glad to see him happy but the boy never came back since then

the tree was again lonely and sad

one hot summer day,the boy returned and the tree was delighted

"come and play with me !"the tree said

"i am sad and getting oldiwant to go sailing to relax myselfcan you give

a boat"

"use my truck to build your boatyou can sail faraway and be happy"

so the boy cut the tree truck to make a boat he went sailing and never

showed up for a long time

finally, the boy returned after he left for so many years

"sorry,my boybut i don't have anything for you anymoreno more apples for

for you…“the tree said

"i don't have teeth to bite"the boy replied

"no more truck foe you to climb on"

"i am too old for that now"the boy said

"i really can give you anything…the only thing left is my dying roots"the

tree said with tears

"i don't need much now,just a place to resti am tired after all these year"

the boy replied

"good!old tree roots is the best place to lean on and rest come,come sit

down with me and rest"the boy sat down and the tree was glad and smiled

with tears……

this is a story of everyone the tree is our parent when we were young, we loved to play with mom and dad……

when we grown up, we left them…only came to them when we need something or when we are in trouble

no matter what,parents will alway be there and give everything they could to make you happy

you may think the boy is cruel to the tree but that how all of us are treating our parenttme is too slow for those who wait,too swift for those who fear,too long for those who grieve,too short for those who rejoice,but for those who love,time is eternity

从前，有一棵巨大的苹果树。

一个小男孩每天都喜欢在树下玩耍。他爬树，吃苹果，在树荫下小睡……他爱和树玩，树也爱和他玩。

时间过的很快，小男孩长大了，他不再每天都来树下玩耍了。

“来和我玩吧。”树说。

“我不再是孩子了，我再也不会在树下玩了。”男孩回答道，“我想要玩具，我需要钱去买玩具。”

“对不起，我没有钱……但是，你可以把我的苹果摘下来，拿去卖钱，这样你就有钱了。”

男孩兴奋的把所有的苹果都摘下来，高兴的离开了。男孩摘了苹果后很久都没有回来。树很伤心。

一天，男孩回来了，树很激动。

“来和我玩吧。”树说。

“我没时间玩，我得工作，养家糊口。我们需要一栋房子，你能帮助我吗？”

“对不起，我没有房子，但是你可以砍下我的树枝，拿去盖你的房子。”男孩把所有的树枝都砍下来，高兴的离开了。

看到男孩那么高兴，树非常欣慰。但是，男孩从此很久都没回来。树再一次孤独，伤心起来。

一个炎热的夏日，男孩终于回来了，树很欣慰。

“来和我玩吧！”树说。

“我过的不快乐，我也一天天变老了，我想去航海放松一下。你能给我一条船吗？”

“用我的树干造你的船吧，你就能快乐地航行到遥远的地方了。”男孩把树干砍下来，做成了一条船。

他去航海了，很长时间都没露面。

最后，过了很多年，男孩终于回来了。

“对不起，孩子，我再也没有什么东西可以给你了……”树说。

“我已经没有牙咬苹果了。”男孩回答道。

“我也没有树干让你爬了。”树说。

“我已经老得爬不动了。”男孩说。

“我真的不能再给你任何东西了，除了我正在死去的树根。”树含着泪说。

“我现在不需要什么了，只想找个地方休息。过了这么些年，我累了。”男孩回答道。小品剧本，简历封面，免费**

“太好了！老树根正是休息是最好的倚靠，来吧，来坐在我身边，休息一下吧。”

男孩坐下了，树很高兴，含着泪微笑着……

这是每个人的故事，树就是我们的父母。当我们年轻的时候，我们愿意和爸爸妈妈玩。当我们长大成人，我们就离开了父母，只有我们需要一些东西或者遇到一些麻烦时，才会回来。不论怎样，父母总是支持我们，竭力给我们每一样能让我们高兴的东西。 你也许会想，男孩对树太残酷了，但是，那正是我们所有人对待父母的方式啊！

(Ladies and getlemen Good afternoonToday I’ll tell you a story It is “Peter and the Wolf”)

Peter: Good morning everyone What a fine day! How beautiful the green lawn is!

Bird: Good morning, Peter

Peter: Good morning, Bird

Bird: It’s a fine morning, isn’t it! All is calm All is beautiful

Duck: I’m a duck, you see Peter forgot to lock the door

Now I’m free How I want to have a good bath in the pool!

(Duck jumps into the pool)

Bird: Hi! Who are you You can’t fly

Duck: Aren’t you a bird! You can’t swim You see I can

Bird: You are a fool

Duck: I’m clever You are a fool

Bird: You are a fool

Duck: I’m clever You are a fool

(At this time, a black cat is coming quietly)

Cat: Yeh They are quarrelling So I have no trouble catching them Look at me, please

Peter: Take care, Bird Be careful, Bird

(So the bird flies away)

Duck: You are a thief Why don’t you catch that bird

Bird: You are a robber Why don’t you rob me

Cat: Should I go to catch the bird Should I

I’m afraid when I get there, the bird will fly away

Grandfather: Peter, you see It is very dangerous here The duck is running into the pool If a wolf comes, what should you do then

Peter: I’m a young pioneer I’m very brave How can I dare a wolf

(A few minutes later A very big, cruel wolf comes siletly

The black cat runs away quickly)

Cat, Bird: Oh,! Wolf!

Duck: Oh! My dear The wolf is coming Let me run quickly

(How can a bird run so fast! Look, the wolf has caught the bird, and eaten him up)

Wolf: How I am satisfied! But I still want to catch the bird and

the black cat

(Now Peter and the grandfather see what has happened They have a good idea now)

Peter: Bird Please fly over the wolf’s head You can fly around and around him But you should be careful enough

Bird: Wolf Wolf Can you catch me You are a fool!

Can you catch me Catch me!

(The wolf is so angry that he jumps up and down At this moment

Peter and his grandfather throw a rope and catches the wolf)

Cat, Bird, Grandfather: Beat him Beat him Don’t let him run away

(At this moment A group of hunters get to the forest Listen, they are shooting at the wolf)

Peter: Oh, no Bird and I have caught the wolf Don’t kill him Let him alive Please help us to send him to the zoo

Peter, Grandfather,Hunters, Cat, Bird: Oh! Oh! Let’s go to the zoo Let’s go to the zoo

(Now please look at the group: Peter, Grandfathe, Hunters,Bird and Cat They are dragging the wolf and sending him to the zoo How happy they are!)

六一快乐

甲：你好，节日快乐！

乙：恩？节日？什么节日？你生日呀？恭喜恭喜呀！红包拿来！

甲：什么乱七八糟的呀！人家生日早过了！

乙：噢，原来不是你的生日呀！那今天是什么日子呀？

甲：不会吧，你连今天是什么日子都不知道呀？

乙：我为什么要知道？今天很重要吗？

甲：当然！是我们大家的节日呀。

乙：噢，我知道了，是国庆节！

甲：啊，还没到十月一日呢？

乙：那就是妇女节！让我们一起祝愿天下所有的妈妈们节日快乐 （唱：妈妈呀妈妈，亲爱的……）

甲：等等等等，又错了！

乙：那是不是劳动节呀？

甲：（大笑）51的3天假期是不上把你给睡傻了(摸对方额头)

乙:去去去,你才傻了呢!不就是儿童节吗？

甲:啊！你耍我呀？！！！

乙:不耍你，同学们怎么会笑呀？

甲：啊！我成小丑了？

乙：瞧瞧你那身材，不是小丑，难道是大象呀？

甲：好了好了，大过节的，我也不和你一般见识了！ 让我们一起来祝愿所有的老师、同学们节日快乐吧！

乙：好是好，但没空！

甲：啊！你都忙什么呀？

乙：白天学校搞活动，少了我怎么行呀？

甲：那晚上呢？

乙：你猜我干啥？

甲：难得一个假日，肯定看电视呗！

乙：俗！你那档次也太低了点！

甲：啊，你档次高，你高到哪了？

乙：客气客气，我也只是高到电视里罢了。

甲：啊！你是明星呀！失敬失敬！

乙：没什么的拉，也只是偶尔演个节目什么的，难得在荧屏上露个脸罢了！其实，你也可以的！

甲：我？我行吗？

乙：当然行了！让广大的少年朋友们一起来看看：瞧这小脑袋，比聪明的一休还机灵， 瞧这张小嘴，比花仙子还漂亮，瞧这对小眼睛比蜡笔小新的还……

甲：求求你，别说了，再说，我都快成日本人啦！

乙：反正是超级小美女一个！

甲：别逗了我得先问问你。

乙：还有什么好问的呀，就你！

甲：我哪有那么好呀，说得人家的脸红了！ 不过，平时，人家都叫我樱桃小丸子的。

乙：（偷偷的：她是樱桃小丸子？我还西瓜太郎呢！）

那太好！今天我还真找对人了。走吧，咱赶紧上电视台去吧。（用手拉）

甲：哎，哎，你先别拉我！

乙：我们得赶时间！

甲：电视台又不是你家开的，您老人家是大明星，我一个小学生谁放我进去呀？

乙：哟，听你这口气，是不相信我呀？

甲：对呀，咱一个小学生想上电视就上电视，那张柏芝和谢霆锋他们不早失业了？我猜呀，人家连大门都不让我进。

乙：那咱跟门卫叔叔好好说呀！

甲：好好说？难道要我像街上要饭的小孩一样死磨硬泡：“叔叔，可怜可怜我吧，求求你拉， 您不让我进我就不活了！”

乙：那是他们被坏人利用，我们可不用那么惨！

甲：那咱怎么说？咱们就那么说：“叔叔，您就让我们进去吧！我们不小了，我们都20多了！

乙：啊？20多了？

甲：对呀，两人加一块儿呀！

乙：你还当人家是老年痴呆呀？

甲：那就说：“叔叔，您放我进去，我就送你一大瓶娃哈哈行不？喝了我的娃哈哈，

吃饭就是香。妈妈我要——娃、哈、哈！

乙：瞧你，还没有出名呢，就学明星做起广告来了！告诉你，用不着这一套！

甲：那还真能进电视台？

乙：废话，告诉你吧，咱今天是元旦联欢会的主持人!

甲：嘿！咱也能当个主持人？

乙：当然了，咋不能？我的头发比那李咏长，普通话比刘仪伟标准100倍，为什么不行？

甲：那今年怎么搞呀？

乙：今年都听我的。

甲：啊？你还是总导演呀？

乙：那不敢当！上个月，我广泛征集同学的意见给电视台写了一封信，

把咱们的想法和构思详细一说，哎呀！你猜怎么着，人家居然采纳了！

甲：真的吗？

乙：他们都夸我这种敢于参与的勇气，还说我有改革意识，有创新精神，了不起！人小志气大呀！

甲：哇！同学们咱给我们的大明星来点掌声呀！

乙：（从怀里掏出一香肠当话筒）谢谢，谢谢！大家的掌声！我一定干得比鞠萍姐姐还棒！

甲：嘿！还真像那么回事呀！

乙：（咬了一口）呵！味道好极了！

甲：咳，咳！你怎么先吃上了？快说说“六一”晚会到底怎么搞呀！

乙：总体构想是这样的：大演播厅要布置成一个美丽的童话世界。这里有百鸟森林、七彩木 屋、奇花异草、玻璃宫殿，还有各种大型积木，在变幻的电脑灯光下，闪烁着奇妙的光环和 色彩。

甲：还真美呀！

乙：再加上世界各国的经典儿童歌曲，那才叫诗情画意呢！

甲：舞台也一定 很漂亮吧？

乙：那当然！都是从全球各国小画家的设计中挑选出来的最佳方案，然后综合在一起，

哇！那简直太美了！一不小心还容易迷路！

甲：晚会都有什么节目呀？

乙：哇！那可太精彩了！我先来介绍一下演员阵容吧。

甲：都有谁呀？

乙：这边是由100位小演员扮演的百部爱国主义影片中的英雄人物大合唱《祖国颂歌》。

甲：好！发扬爱国主义传统，为振兴中华而奋斗！

乙：这边是孙悟空、白雪公主、神笔马良、小三毛、花仙子、葫芦娃、黑猫警长、米老鼠、 唐老鸭、蓝精灵、变形金刚、哆啦A梦、蜡笔小新等中外著名卡通演员表演的大型歌舞节 目——《我们共同的节日》。

甲：好！象征着世界儿童大联欢！

乙：舞台上演的是小合唱、小合奏、小舞蹈、小品、小杂技、小武术、小相声、小戏、

小魔术、小游戏……应有尽有。

甲：真是丰富呀！

乙：还有小记者采访十佳少年；小主持人邀请我们的航天英雄杨利伟叔叔与大家见面；

小朋友向为我们的健康成长，日夜辛勤工作的家长、老师、儿童艺术工作者鲜花致谢！

甲：对！应该，应该的！

乙：还请贫困地区的小朋友代表上台，接受我们节日的礼物和祝愿。

甲：我们手拉手，心连心。

乙：小书法家、小画家、小摄影家、小诗人和小发明家，当场献艺！

甲：节目可真丰富呀！

乙：是呀，现场的掌声肯定比呼噜声响亮！

甲：晚会都邀请了哪些佳宾呀？

乙：世界各国的***和社会名人能来的都来了！连联合国秘书长安南爷爷都来了，

可惜少了三个重要人物。

甲：都少了谁呀？

乙：美国总统小布什呀。

甲：这老小子的架子可真够大呀！

乙：什么呀！人家是被伊拉克战争搞得后院着火，都火烧眉毛了，

哪还有心情来和我们一起玩呀？

甲：那还有谁呀？

乙：伊拉克前总统萨达姆呀！

甲：他家也着火了？

乙：你家才着火呢！我们的老萨同志正在国际法庭上接受审判呢！再说小布什也不准他来呀！

甲：哎！还真够可怜的！那还有一个是谁呀？

乙：那就是大名鼎鼎的恐怖分子老大——笨拉登呀!

甲:应该是本拉登吧

乙:反正都一样。

甲：他又怎么了？

乙：人家目前躲在山洞里，打电话给他，他不敢接，写信又不知道地址！

我们真不知道怎么联系他呀！

甲：他还是别来的好！

乙：为什么呀？

甲：如果他也来了，那么大的演播厅就只剩下两个人拉！

乙：人都到哪儿去了？

甲：一看到老拉登就都跑了呀！

乙：那怎么还有一个呀？

甲：那就是那个大明星呀！

乙：到底是谁呀？

甲：还不就是那个不怕死的主持人呀！

乙：啊！是我呀！！！

甲：不是你还有谁呀？

乙：我才不干呢！我还是快点跑吧！

一天， 老师走进课堂，学生们一齐起立喊：“老师早上好！”

老师愤愤地说：“只叫早上好？那我下午呢？难道就不好了吗？”

于是学生们又一齐喊：“老师下午好！”

老师说道：“坐下！今天我们要复习反义词，我们这样练习，我说一句，你们大声说出反义词。现在开始。”

老师：“今天天气很好。”

学生：“今天天气很坏。”

老师：“到处阳光明媚。”

学生：“到处阴云密布。”

老师：“年轻。”

学生：“年老。”

老师：“站立。”

学生：“躺倒”

老师：“有个年轻人站立在路上。”

学生：“有个年老人躺倒在路上。”

老师：“我捡到一元钱。”

学生：“我丢了一元钱。”

老师：“我捡到一元钱，交给老师。”

学生：“我丢了一元钱，去偷老师。”

老师：“错误，不能这样说！”

学生：“正确，应该这样说！”

老师：“这不行，这是违法行为！”

学生：“这可以，这是合法行为！”

老师：“听老师的，老师说的才是正确！”

学生：“听我们的，老师说的都是错误！”

老师：“你们愚蠢。”

学生：“我们聪明。”

老师：“停止！”

学生：“继续！”

老师：“你们现在停止！别说了！”

学生：“我们现在继续！还要说！”

老师：“你们这些蠢猪，我说停止！”

学生：“我们都是天才，我们说继续！”

老师：“你们听老师的！”

学生：“老师听我们的！”

老师：“学生都得听老师的！”

学生：“老师都得听学生的！”

老师：“现在你们停止练习！”

学生：“现在我们继续练习！”

老师：“你们没完没了了吗？”

学生：“我们有始有终的呀！”

老师：“那你们就停止！蠢猪！”

学生：“那我们该继续！天才！”

之后老师怒气冲冲地抱着书本走出了教室

Once there lived a kind and lovely girl After her father's death, her stepmother became cruel to herHer two step-sisters teased her, asking her to do all the housework

从前有一位可爱善良的姑娘，她父亲很早就去世了。她的继母经常虐待她，继母带来的两个孩子也经常欺负她，她们把灰姑娘当女拥一样使唤。

stepmother: Do the laundry and get on with your duties Clean the floors right away And what's more,bring me my breakfast

把这些衣服拿到洗衣房做你的事情。把地板赶快给我擦干净。另外，把我的早饭带来。

stepsister1: Cinderella! Get me my sweater, I feel a little cold

灰姑娘，把我的衣服拿来，我感到有点冷。

stepsister2: Hurry up! Prepare the carriage for me, hand me my gloves I'm to be late for my date You're so, you're always so sluggish

快点！把马车给我准备好，递我手套。我约会要晚了，你总是那么慢慢腾腾的。

Cruel as her stepmother was to her, Cinderella still lived an optimistic life She had a lot of animal friends

虽然继母这样对她，可灰姑娘还是乐观地活着，另外她还有许多小动物做她的朋友。

One day, the king held a party for the prince to choose the girl he loved Every maid in the town was invited to the party

一天，国王要让王子自己选择心爱的人，为王子举办了一个宫廷舞会，邀请城里所有的姑娘参加。

The stepmother took her two daughters to the party, leaving Cinderella at home, because she was jealous of Cinderella's beauty

可继母嫉妒灰姑娘的美貌，让灰姑娘在家干活，独自带着女儿去了。

Cinderella was broken-hearted At that time, her fairy godmother appeared

灰姑娘非常地伤心，这时，教母出现了。

Cinderella: There's nothing left to believe in Nothing!

没有什么我相信的事情，什么也没有！

Godmother: Nothing, my dear Oh, now you don't really mean that

亲爱的，什么也没有吗？但现在你的意思并不是这样。

Cinderella: Oh, but I do

噢，但我确实是这样想的。

Godmother: Nonsense, child! If you'd lost all your faith, I couldn't be here And here I am!Oh, come now, Dry those tears!

胡说，孩子。如果你失去了你的信仰，我就不会在这里了。但现在我在这，噢，过来，擦干眼泪。

Cinderella: Why then, you must be

为什么你一定在。。。

Godmother: Your fairy godmother Of course Now let's see, hmmnowthe magic wordsBibbidi-boddidi-boo Put them together and what have you got

你传说中的教母？当然，现在让我看看。。。现在，这些魔力的话，Bibbidi-boddidi-boo。 把它们放在一起，看你得到了什么。

Cinderella: Oh, it's beautiful! It's like a dream, a wonderful dream come true

噢，它太美丽了！象一个梦，一个美好的梦想变成了现实。

Godmother: Yes, my child, but like all dreams, well, I'm afraid this can't last forever You'll have only till night and

是的，我的孩子，象所有的梦一样。恐怕它不能永远延续下去。你仅仅能在午夜和。。。拥有它。

Cinderella: MidnightOh, thank you

午夜？噢，谢谢你。

Godmother: Oh, just a minute Remember, on the stroke of twelve, the spell will be broken and everything will be as it was before

噢，等一会儿。记住，当时钟敲响到12点的时候，钟将会打破，一切事情又恢复了从前。

Cinderella: Oh, I understand, butit's more than I ever hoped for

哦，我懂了。但它比我期望的要多地多。

Godmother: Bless you, my child Enjoy yourself

祝福你，我的孩子，玩得开心。

At the party, Cinderella danced with the prince all the timeTime passed quickly All of a sudden, Cinderella caught sight of the clock on the wall Oh, it is almost

twelve o'clock-five to twelve!

舞会上，灰姑娘成了王子唯一选中的舞伴，灰姑娘与王子高兴地跳舞，旁人都很羡慕地看着他们，议论他们。时间在美妙的歌舞中过去，墙上的大钟突然映入灰姑娘的眼里，差5分钟12点。

Cinderella: Oh, my goodness!

噢，天啊！

Prince: What's the matter

什么事？

Cinderella: It's midnight It's almost midnight

午夜了，快到午夜了。

Prince: Yes, so it isBut why

是的，但又怎样呢？

Cinderella: Goodbye

再见。

Prince: No, no,wait, you can't go now

不，等等，你现在不能走。

Cinderella: Oh, I must, please, I must

噢，我必须走。

Prince: But why

但为什么呢？

Cinderella: goodbye

再见。

Prince: No, wait, come back Please come back! I don't even know your name How will I find you Wait, please wait! Wait!

不，等等，回来，请回来！我连你的名字都不知道呢。我怎么能找到你呢？等等，等等，等等！

Cinderella: Goodbye

再见。

The next day, every maid in the town was ordered to try the glass shoeWhoever the shoes fitted well would be the bride of the princelNo one could put on the shoe, nor

could the two step-sisters When the officials were going to leave, Cinderella appeared and asked to have a try

第二天，国王命令城中每一位女孩必须史穿玻璃鞋，穿上鞋子最合适的姑娘将成为王子的新娘。但城中没有一个女孩能穿着合适。最后来到灰姑娘的家中，继母的女儿们当然也不能穿上那双玻璃鞋，

正当国王的大臣要离开时，灰姑娘出现在楼梯上，她要求试一试鞋。

Cinderella: Please wait! May I try it on

请等等！我可以试一下吗？

Stepmother: Oh, pay no attention to her

噢，别理她。

stepsister1: It's only Cinderella!

她仅仅是灰姑娘！

stepsister2:Impossible

不可能。

stepsister1: She's out of her mind

她疯了。

stepmother: Yes, yes Just an imaginative child

是的，是的，只是一个爱想象的孩子。

Duke:Of course, you can have a try, my fair lady

当然你可以试试，我的女士。

Duke: Oh, no!No!This is terrible The king! What shall I do

噢，不！不！这很糟糕。国王！我该做什么呢？

Cinderella: But perhaps this would help

但这或许有点帮助。。。。

Duke: No, no Nothing can help now, nothing

不，不。现在什么都帮不了。

Cinderella: You see, I have the other slipper

你看，我有另一只拖鞋。

Cinderella and the prince held a grand wedding and they led a happy life from then on

王子和灰姑娘举行了盛大的婚礼，幸福地生活。

<<灰姑娘>>剧本英文版：

第一场：

旁白：Long, long ago, there was a cute girl, her name is Alice, her mother was dead, her father loved her very much

Father: Dear daughter! These presents are for you! Do you like them

Alice: Yeah, thank you, Dad

Father: My lovely daughter, I hope you are happy forever!

旁白：But one day, her father married a new wife

Look, her step mother and her new sisters are coming

Stepmother: Helen, Jenny, look, how beautiful the house is!

mso-charHelen: Yes, and so many fruits Apples，bananas, mangoes and lychee Wow, I like them(吃水果)

Jerry: Mum, look, so many beautiful clothes I like this dress

(往身上穿)

Alice： Oh, no, that’s my dress It’s a new dress my father bought for me

Jerry： Who are you Mum, who is she

Stepmother: She is your little sister But it doesn’t matter Look!

Alice, go, clean the room and then cook for us

Alice: Why I’m not your servant

Stepmother: Yeah But from now on you are our servant

Alice and Jerry: Mum, I like her dress(拽衣服)

Jenny：I like her necklace(抢项链戴在脖子上)

旁白：After that, Alice had been their servant She worked and worked from morning to night She had no room to live, she had no good food to eat and good clothes to wear

She was more and more dirty, so people called her Cinderella

第二场：

Stepmother: Who is it

Soldier: It’s me I’m the soldier of the palace

(打开门)Good morning, madam, this is for you and your daughters

mso-charStepmother: What is it(打开信看)

（欢呼）Helen, Jerry, good news! There will be a big dancing party in the palace The prince will select a queen among the young girls

mso-charTwo daughters: Hooray! I’ll be the queen!

mso-charStepmother: Come on, daughters You must put on your most beautiful dress and make up!

mso-charAlice: Mum, I want to go ,too

mso-charThree: You Look at yourself, so dirty and so ugly

mso-charStepmother: Daughters, are you ready Let’s go

mso-charAlice: Oh, my friends I really want to go What shall I do

mso-charCat, Peagion, Dog: Don’t be so sad, Alice At least, we are with you

mso-charFairy: Poor girl, let me help you

mso-charAnimals: Wow, how beautiful!

mso-charCat: You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve seen

mso-charDog: Yes! You will be the most beautiful girl in the party!

mso-charPeagion: Yes! And the prince will love you at once!

mso-charFairy: Alice, go to the party and dance But remember you

150%; TEXT-INDENT: 48pt; mso-char-indent-count: 40; mso-char-indent-size: 120pt">must come back before 12 o’clock Or you will

150%; TEXT-INDENT: 48pt; mso-char-indent-count: 40; mso-char-indent-size: 120pt">change back

Alice: Thank you , Fairy(跑)

Fairy: (喊)Be careful! Don’t forget the time!

Alice: I won’t forget

第三场

mso-charMinister1: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the prince dancing ball This night,

our prince will select the most beautiful and kindest girl to be his queen Now, young girls, come to the front,please!

Minister2：How are theyWhich one do you like

Prince: No, I don’t like anyone

(Alice come in)

Ministers: Wow, how beautiful!

(She’s like a fairy She’s like a Angel She’s so lovely She’s like a princess How pretty the girl is!)

Prince: Pretty princess, may I dance with you

Alice: I’d like to

(music and dance)

(one person pick up a clock)

Alice: Oh, it’s time to go back I must go now

Prince: Wait, princess, wait!

Alice(跑，掉一只鞋)

Prince: (拿起鞋)Pretty princess!Why are you leaving I must find you!

Soldiers!

Soldiers: Yes!

Prince: Take the shoe to every house You must find the girl for me

Soldiers: Yes, your highnesss!

第四场：

（士兵敲门）

Stepmother: What’s the matter, soldiers

Soldier1: Are there any young girls in your family, madam

Soldier2: The pretty princess lost her shoe in the palace

Soldier3: The prince wants to find her and marry her

Helen: Let me tryThe shoe is mine

Soldier1: No,it’s not yours It’s too small for you

Jenny: It’s mine Let me try it

Soldier2: No, it’s not yours, it’s too small for you

Stepmother: Hi, come on, maybe it’s mine Let me try it

mso-charSoldier3:Oh, my god, it couldn’t be yours Do you have another daughter

Alice: Hello, gentlemen, may I try it

Stepmother :You Go away!

Helen: Look at yourself!

Jenny: So dirty and so ugly!

mso-charHead Soldier: No, ladies, let her try! Come, little girl, try it on,please!

mso-charAlice: Thank you! (试鞋)

mso-charSoldiers: Wonderful! It’s yours! It fits for you very well!

mso-charSoldier1:（Call prince）5535240

mso-charPrince: Hello, this is prince speaking!

mso-charSoldier1: Good news, your highnesss! We have found the

beautiful girl

mso-charPrince: Really That’s wonderfull! I’ll come at once

mso-charFairy: My child, happy time is coming Let me help you the

1last time(变美丽)

mso-charPrince: Oh, my deariest princess, I love you, go with me and be my queen, OK

mso-charAlice: OK!

mso-charStepmother and sisters: How did it happen(昏倒)

mso-char旁白：The story finished Alice found her happiness Alice and

the prince lived happily ever after! And that brings us to the end of the play

(善有善报，恶有恶报，善良的人终会有好报，灰姑娘最终找到了自己的幸福，与王子幸福地生活在一起！

检举 The Old Cat

An old woman had a cat The cat was very old; she could not run quickly, and she could not bite, because she was so old One day the old cat saw a mouse; she jumped and caught the mouse But she could not bite it; so the mouse got out of her mouth and ran away, because the cat could not bite it

Then the old woman became very angry because the cat had not killed the mouse She began to hit the cat The cat said, "Do not hit your old servant I have worked for you for many years, and I would work for you still, but I am too old Do not be unkind to the old, but remember what good work the old did when they were young"

意思就是：老猫

一位老妇有只猫，这只猫很老，它跑不快了，也咬不了东西，因为它年纪太大了。一天，老猫发现一只老鼠，它跳过去抓这只老鼠，然而，它咬不住这只老鼠。因此，老鼠从它的嘴边溜掉了，因为老猫咬不了它。

于是，老妇很生气，因为老猫没有把老鼠咬死。她开始打这只猫，猫说：“不要打你的老仆人，我已经为你服务了很多年，而且还愿意为你效劳，但是，我实在太老了，对年纪大的不要这么无情，要记住老年人在年青时所做过的有益的事情。”

T---Tiger F---Fox R---Rabbit B---Bird Fr---Frog B----Bear ( 狐假虎威)

Tiger: I’m a great tiger I’m very strong I’m very brave I’m the king of the forestBut now I’m very hungry I must find sth to eat at once, or I’ll die immediately Oh, there’s nothing here And here is nothing, either Oh, I want to have a rest (Sleep soundly)

Fox: I’m a fox You can see, I’m pretty and lovely I’m good at cheating 0and telling lies Just now I cheated a crew out of a piece of meat Mm, Mm, Mm How delicious it is!

Tiger: Ah, a fox A good meal Ah, a good meal

Fox: Oh, my God! What should I do Yes, I have a good idea Yes, a good idea Hello! Tiger sister! How are you

Tiger: Not so good I’m very hungry now I want to eat you

Fox: Oh, my dear! How dare you say that! I’m the king of the forest! I’m the king of the forest! If you want to eat me, I will let you die right now

Tiger: She is the king She is cheating me I can’t belive her I’m the king of the forest here

Fox: If you don’t believe me, just follow me and see who is the king of the forest

Tiger: Ok Let’s go

Rabbit: I’m a rabbit I like to eat a turnip Ah, a big turnip Oh! It’s too hard I can’t pull it out

Bird: I’m a bird

Rabbit: Hi!

Bird: Hi! What are doing here, Miss Rabbit Can I help you

Rabbit: Yes, please

Frog: I’m a frog Hello! What are you doing here What can I do for you

R&B: Yes, come on!

Frog : Ok! I’m coming!

Bear: I’m a big brown bear Hello, everyone! What are you doing here

R,B&F: Come on! Come on! Mr Bear! You are so strong Please come here There is a big turnip We are allpuling it out Please come and help us

Bear: Ok! I’m coming

Fox: Hello, Bear!

Bear: Hi, Fox Oh, a tiger! (run away)

Fox: Hello, Frog!

Frog: Hi, Fox Oh, a tiger! (run away)

Fox: Hello, Bird!

Bird: Hi, Fox Oh, a tiger! (run away)

Fox: Hello, Rabbit!

Rabbit: Hi, Fox Oh, a tiger! (run away)

Fox: Tiger, Now, you see They are so frightened! They all run away!

Tiger: Yes, you are right It’s true I’m very sorry You are the king of the forest That’s all right I will run away He is the king He is the king

Fox: Wa! There is a big turnip Now, the turnip belongs to me

甲：今年我毕业了

乙：大学四年一晃就过去了

甲：回想大学生活啊，心里真是感慨万千

乙：来给大家形容形容

甲：感动

乙：嗯

甲：难忘

乙：嗯

甲：贵

乙：贵？是珍贵吧

甲：是珍贵，真的贵

乙：这怎么讲？

甲：我四年买了八辆自行车，贵啊

乙：八辆？那得多少钱啊？

甲：可不，合一个手机

乙：得有

甲：三个文曲星

乙：差不多

甲：20个U盘，80多斤酱肘子

乙：想什么呢，酱肘子都不买了

甲：没办法，我们都知道在学校里自行车得属于快速消费品……

乙：快速消费品？

甲：丢得快，老得重复消费。

乙：咳，是这么回事

甲：我都丢怕了，不敢买好车，这回买了辆自行车，花了我四百多块

乙：四百还不是好车啊

甲：车不贵，一百出点儿头

乙：那那三百呢？

甲：我买了六把锁

乙：好么

甲：我心说六把锁六保险，怎么着都没问题了

乙：放心了

甲：不过我的大部分课余时间也就都花在了锁车和开锁上……

乙：时间就这么浪费过去了

甲：你不懂，这也是一乐。六把锁，我心里这踏实啊，每天我早上下楼都唱小曲儿：

乙：你唱的是？

甲：“想偷不能偷才最寂寞，锁上六把锁心往肚子里头搁……”

乙：嗬

甲：下了楼，嘿，你说怎么着，我这车就是纹丝儿没动，我心里美。我掏钥匙：（掏出一把，停下来，得意的看着乙），学着点

乙：恩恩

甲：（接着掏，一把接一把）自行车就得这么锁，我看你再偷，偷，你偷，看你怎么偷

乙：嘿，你就不能给穿成一串

甲：麻烦

乙：到底哪样儿麻烦啊？

甲：（开锁：插锁）

乙：开锁了，一把

甲：（前轮开棍锁）

乙：前轮也有一把

甲：（后轮开链锁，往外拽，捧着放进车筐）

乙：链子锁，霍，怎么这么长啊，这一砣

甲：（密码锁，听）

乙：这什么意思？哦，保险柜密码锁，喝，自己还不知道密码

甲：我捣鼓半天，决定放弃了

乙：干吗放弃啊

甲：后头站着一队保安盯着我看

乙：以为你是偷车的了

甲：车用不了了真是难受啊，去哪儿都不方便

乙：想方便啊，我给你出个主意

甲：什么主意？

乙：你找个男朋友，想上哪儿让他骑车带你去，多好，省心又省力

甲：有道理，回去我就上团购版

乙：啊？团购啊？

甲：错了错了，是二手版

乙：好么，敢情男朋友不但可以批发，还可以转让。你这不捣乱么，

甲：那你说应该去哪儿

乙：当然是失物招领了

甲：哎，你怎么知道我刚失恋？

乙：什么呀，都被你搅和乱了，征友应该上pie版

甲：偷偷地告诉你吧，我发过帖了，可是没什么人回

乙：怎么会呢，难道是因为没贴照片？

甲：贴了，后来我又仔细看了看我发的帖子，明白了

乙：怎么回事？

甲：写错了一个字，本来想写“征bf一个”，结果一着急写错了

乙：写成什么了？

甲：“征bt一个”

乙：好么，变态啊，那谁还敢应征啊

甲：别说，还真有一个人回信

乙：快瞧瞧

甲：信里说，（鼻音）“版上都说我bt，其实，我是技术站务”，

乙：这不一样么

甲：你看能凑合么？

乙：不行，找谁也不能找技术站务啊

甲：恩，有道理

乙：哎，依我说啊，找男朋友的事还是往后搁吧，快毕业了出路才是最重要的

甲：对，这可是人生的一个关键时刻

乙：每个人的心情都很复杂

甲：要说我们的心态，莎士比亚有个名著《哈利波特》

乙：哈利波特啊，好么，应该是哈姆雷特

甲：差不多么，那里面有句话形容特别贴切

乙：哪句？

甲：读研还是工作，it’s a problem……（天津话）

乙：敢情莎爷爷是天津人

甲：一开始我想，我得搞科研

乙：要搞科研你得进实验室。

甲：我进了，进了一个。你别说，在实验室待了一段还真有收获。

乙：学到了很多东西

甲：发现实验室比我们寝室网速快多了。

乙：啊？光上网不干活啊。你这样还是别读研了

甲：待了一阵子我自己也觉得搞科研不适合我，我直接工作吧

乙：你这样的，工作也不行

甲：你别来，咱们北大毕业生，到哪儿不都像学一的酱肘子那样受欢迎？

乙：也行啊，你打算干什么呢？

甲：我要进军IT业

乙：为什么呢

甲：IT业有前途啊，不是有首歌那么唱么

乙：什么歌

甲：“我能想到最浪漫的事，就是和你一起买卖电脑”（自我陶醉状）

乙：看把这位美的。你打算去哪儿卖电脑啊

甲：我舍不得酱肘子啊，找个近点的单位吧。蓝旗营那边有个小单位让我去面试，叫Google，你看能凑合么？

乙：好么，那个还不能凑合？多好的地方，你可要好好准备面试

甲：对，我一定要做好充分准备。都说面试从某种程度上讲就是与面试官比气势。圣贤说：工欲善其事，必先利其器。曾子曰：武功再好，也怕菜刀；智力再高，一砖撂倒……

乙：哎哎，要打架啊怎么着

甲：你想哪去了？我只不过是想把自己包装得比较有气势。

乙：怎么包装？

甲：最近未名上好多版订购版衫，上面都写“单挑你”，特有气势，我也弄了一件

乙：单挑你？怎么这么别扭

甲：为了和国际接轨，还是用英文写的。单挑就是PK啊，后面加上英文的你

乙：PK你，PKyou, 哦，北大啊？

甲：嗯，你得到了它。

乙：敢情穿校服去的

甲：那天到了Google我推门进去，就见面试官是个面容慈祥的白胖子，坐在那儿，那脸是红扑扑的。

乙：那不错啊

甲：（迂腐）看见他我就想起了一首脍炙人口的古诗

乙：哪首？

甲：（可爱）麻屋子，红帐子，

合：里面住个白胖子～

乙：好，人家是花生啊

甲：花生挺客气：“同学请坐，你是怎么知道我们Google这次的招聘职位的？”

乙：你怎么说？

甲：我上百度搜的……

乙：啊？

甲：说完这话我发现胖子的脸色由红变绿了……

乙：好么，成了芥末花生了

甲：胖子痰嗽两声，又问：“你知道我们的技术优势在哪里么”

乙：你说？

甲：“中文网页搜索做得好啊”

乙：啊？

甲：说完这话，胖子咣叽就倒地上了

乙：胖子还活着么？

甲：活着，但我被正态了

乙：不正态你正态谁啊，瞎捣乱

甲： 别看在这儿没过，可咱后来又收到不少单位的Offer

乙：都有哪些单位？

甲：百度中国

乙：对，早看出来你是得进百度

甲：还有百度日本

乙：百度日本？

甲：百度海淀，百度黄庄，百度中关村……

乙：怎么连中关村都出来了

甲：反正我是找到工作了

乙：找到工作了好啊

甲：（深情地）这一转眼工作也找到了，答辩也结束了，该毕业走人了，这时候才发现北大这个园子有好多东西令人怀念

乙：恩，舍不得啊，你都怀念什么呢

甲：酱肘子

乙：就惦记吃啊，有别的么

甲：有有，你看，酱排骨，煎饼、凉皮、麻辣烫，青菜包、冬菜包、雪菜包、奶黄包，鸡腿饭、鸡排饭、扬州炒饭、石锅拌饭，刀削面、炸酱面、兰州拉面、麻辣凉面，还有药膳的红烧鲶鱼，城隍庙的免费豆浆，老丁家的西门鸡翅，为民小灶的麻辣香锅，……

乙：你这怎么全是吃的啊

甲：戈尔巴乔夫说过啊：这个吃啊是最幸福咧

乙：除了吃就没别的幸福的事啦？

甲：有啊，就拿咱07届的说：咱们过了两年没有正态的好日子

乙：嗯，少得了无数84

甲：也不用每天早上爬起来刷卡锻炼乙：嗯，连早饭都省了。甲：办个学生公交卡乙：去趟国贸只要四毛钱啦

甲：不过咱07届毕业生也有遗憾的地方

乙：比如？

甲：乒乓球馆咱是用不上了

乙：争取念博士估计有机会

甲：还有农园旁边的新教学楼

乙：这个念硕士就行

甲：出国的，当不上奥运会志愿者了

乙：咬咬牙延期一年！

甲：不过上面这些都不是最让我遗憾的，

乙：还有别的事？

甲：对，有件事不光让我遗憾，还让多少北大人扼腕痛惜，叫苦连天啊

乙：还有这事？

甲：这么重要的事你不知道？

乙：不知道

甲：没听说？

乙：到底什么事啊

甲：学一不卖酱肘子了（哭腔）

乙：还是吃啊

A: Good morning everyone, today I will play a short crosstalk with my partner„Where is him

B (run up quickly, very tired): Good morning„ A: You are late! We are all waiting for you!

B: Oh, I am sorry, but it was an accident, I caught a car accident on my way here and I am still alive! A: What did you say A car accident

B: Yeah At that time, I was riding my bike, then suddenly I found that my bike wasn’t under my control I wanted to stop it but I didn’t see a bus on the right of me, then, then„that bus hit me and I fell down

A (with the mouth open): A, a, a, a bus You said a bus hit you

B: Yes, it is true!

A: Didn’t you get hurt!

B: Of course I did not, because that bus was parking there! At that time, I told me I must be dead I did not understand until someone shouted “Do you want to take a free bus” A: Were there any passengers on it

B: No, nobody

A: Ok, that was good

B: But the bus driver was on it, and he looked out of the

window and said: “Look out, boy, it’s dangerous! Anyway, my bus do not carry bikes!”

A: You were lucky, but you have to know, there are also many moving buses„

B: You think I am stupid Of course I know, and I also know, you will say: “these moving buses are all dangerous„”, right

A: I mean you have to be more careful We leant much at school Don’t you forget, you cannot ride a bike so fast, and they are also our school rules

B: I know! I know this and that I know to be careful, and I also know the traffic rules, just like I know how many fingers I have

A: But I don’t think only to know some traffic rules is enough If you only know them but not obey them, will you have to drive a tank to keep yourself safe from danger B: I really want to tell you: I know that, I never ride my bike in the school, I never cross the road without seeing left and right, and I even give seats to the elderly on the bus! Is that ok

A: You always do that

B: Er, sometimes, but there are some other seats on the bus

A: I mean, you are always obeying the traffic rules B: Usually

A: What do “usually” mean

B: Sometimes I do not obey them But not too often, that’s not a problem!

A: No, that’s a very big problem I have a friend He is really good He does well in every subject He is polite to everyone and he is „

B: Wait„

A: He is helpful He always helps lost children„ B: Hey„

A: And sometimes he wants to„

B: Stop!

A: He doesn’t want to stop working hard, you have to know B: Is it about our talking

A: Oh, I forgot! OK, one day, he was on his way home He saw the traffic lights red But he wanted to go home quickly to do something important Then a car hit him, and he stayed in hospital for half a year

B: How terrible!

A: You said that’s not a problem But do you really know, there are about 100, 000 Chinese died in traffic accidents Every 5 minutes, one person died And every minute, one person hurt himself and cannot live as a common man any more Do they really know the importance of being careful with cars Of course they know! But they just think like you They do not think to be fast or to be careless for several times is a problem But maybe just for one or two seconds faster, they lost their lives!

B: Is that true That cannot be the fact!

A: Yes, and I also tell you, 20 percent of the accidents were on students

B: How terrible! How can we protect ourselves

A: We know many traffic rules, and all of us know how to do it But when we are on the road, we forget them all! If we only know the rules but not to use them, they will be useless!

B: I understand that We must not only know these traffic rules, but also use them We must be careful every day, every time, because even a very small mistake can take our lives away

A: That’s good, I am very happy that you know that I hope more and more people can know that And if we all know that, much fewer people will die in the accidents There must be fewer and fewer accidents, too!

B: That’s all right Let’s tell others about these and then, as you say, our world will be more beautiful

A: OK! Let’s go!

B: Oh, wait a moment, I want to see that bus driver again A: That bus driver Why

B: I know how to say to that rude bus driver

A: What

B: I will tell him: “Your bus can carry a bike, but my bike cannot carry a bus! Be careful, Sir!”

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